I’m Going through this really great convicting Bible Study right now and honestly it couldn’t have come at a better time for me.  Learning so much as He takes us through some difficult times in life.  Navigating a life interrupted.

I never thought I’d be dealing with a child who has a disorder.  Not a sickness, but more of a mental state it seems.  I haven’t blogged much about this.  I think mostly because its hard.  Its hard to know what to think about Obsessive Compulsive disorder and now what appears to be more anxiety and all that strings along with that.  This whole thing starting in June 2013 with Adam has been tough.  Tough on him and tough for our family.  It takes a lot of work to parent Adam.  I fear so often that I’m doing things wrong and that he’s never gonna “get it”.  I can’t do that anymore.  I have to trust that God is leading both Brian and I.  We have to just follow and let him guide us.  Sometimes this is so hard.  Why is that?  To let go of the way I think it SHOULD be and let God show us another way, His way, a way that might be better for Adam. 

It started with us NOT wanting to put Adam on medication.  I just figured this was something we could help him get through.  I was thinking that maybe just some Godly counsel would do the trick.  We had to really let go of some pride and listen to several people suggesting medication to get him over the hump.   So after 5 months of daily obsessions with germs, sickness and hand washing compulsions we put him on medication. It wasn’t just your normal “ocd” people like me…. germaphobe …. it was some really tough stuff.  Tears, screaming, arguing, real hard core fear etc… Daily and nightly! Its really too much to even type here.  Those were some TIRING months! Once the medication got in his system those germ Obsessions and the hand washing compulsions stopped.  Life started to improve.  We could all breathe again! 

However, things have still been a struggle for Adam! He has good days and a lot of bad days.  Not with OCD it seems though.  The medication is helping him with that.   

One of the things that is really hard for me to realize is that every child is so very different.  Not just different personalities, likes, dislikes, hair color, height, weight etc… but also I’m realizing that not all my kids can hack being in the public school.  Some aren’t as strong.  Some seem to get pulled into the world and its easier to be influenced instead of being the leader.   We are seeing this with Adam.  This is yet ANOTHER thing that is so hard for me to deal with.  I’ve always been a pro-public school Mom.  I want my kids in the world and shinning for HIM.  I want to be involved and I want my kids to thrive there.  I know EVERYONE does whats best for their kids and that is fine.  Mine were always going to be in the school! I always wanted more of the Christian families to put their kids in the school so that we could all work together in the school system.  So, yet again……. I’m having to let go of my pride and let God lead in this and show us …. just maybe something different might be good for Adam.

With Adam, we are thinking that he just might need something else.  A change.  A smaller class.  Less of the pull from the peers he’s been around for a couple years and some new friends, maybe a new buddy?.  I understand that trying a new school, a private Christian school isn’t magical.  Adam won’t instantly be healed of all his troubles.  However, we are sensing God leading in this direction.  His leading to try a new school.  Perhaps, this new environment will help him thrive better in school, maybe he will be more happy and excited to go to school, maybe this will help with some of his other anxiety and ocd issues, and  maybe the more close interaction with the teacher will be what he needs as well.  We are praying for his heart.  Praying that God will reveal to him the
idols in his heart.  That he will choose to obey God in all areas, even
the choice of friends and his actions at school, even a new school.  Maybe a new school like this will be just what his little heart needs.    

So, next week he will be trying out Fillmore Christian Academy.  We are trying it for a week.  Adam is ready to START tomorrow.  He loved what he saw today when we visited.  He says he wants to retire from Rio Vista and move on to this new school.  He seems excited. I like to see this excitement and hope that its genuine.

This isn’t going to be easy for us.  I think mainly because of the money.  It costs a lot.  Its not easy coming up with the money for something like this when we are already on a budget, raising a big family and have some bills we are paying off.  We have to trust and have faith that GOD WILL PROVIDE.  If he wants Adam at the FCA,  God will provide the funds.  

We have to have Faith! 

We serve a God way bigger than any little life trial! 

He will help.