Gregory, Adam and I popped over to see Pop tonight. It was different. He was more talk-a-tive
(If you call it that). Never is he really very talk-a-tive but I sat right in front of him and asked questions, and then he asked me stuff.
Best not ask too many questions at once is one of the things he said when we were all asking what kind of smoothie he wanted. I think Pop can only handle people talking slowly at him, and one question at a time. Otherwise its too overwhelming for him.
He’s got this far off look in his eyes sometimes. Sometimes its scary but tonight it was just SAD. Really hard holding back tears as I talked with Pop. Then he asked me
Oh my goodness that was tough. He was looking right at me in the eyes too. I just told him he had had some strokes and he was in there to get better. He seems so confused though. I guess he’s asked this of Mom before too. Tough on her to answer that as well. He’s obviously not remembering the answer since he asked me tonight too. I helped him get some sips of water. He only drinks sips when you make him drink.
He started to ask what we all were doing tomorrow. Told him we were coloring eggs and that I wish he could be there, he’s always there when we color eggs. He started talking about eggs and I got the gist he was asking about our chickens. I mentioned Henny Penny (cause she’s the one that lays eggs), but then I mentioned Girl and that’s the one he was trying to talk about. I laughingly asked Pop “Do you want Luke to bring Girl to see you” and he said “yeah”
He always asks me how Annie Mae is doing and Luke. He wondered where Luke was tonight. I told him that we didn’t tell Luke we were going because Luke would have been upset. Luke, Gideon, and Titus needed to get on to bed so I just brought the older boys and Brian stayed behind to get them in bed. He said I don’t like that you tricked Luke. I think he was kidding. I told him that I wasn’t tricking Luke, that Luke just didn’t know because we didn’t tell him. We continued to talk about being in the workshop. This was me more talking, just asking if he remembered that.
I broke down at one point. Couldn’t hold it in any longer. Excused myself to the bathroom for a bit. This is one of the hardest things. Seeing your parents grow old and for me the mind/memory stuff is so so so hard to see in him!
I often wonder…. what is he thinking? Is he there and just can’t get things that he wants to say out?
Adam was playing with his iPod today, and out of the blue texted me “I miss Pop”. He had been crying about him. We talked later.
As I sit here on this Good Friday. I think about what Christ did for me on that cross so many years ago. It is finished, Jesus said. Those words…. set me free. Thankful for His work on the cross to pay the price for my sin. We often ask WHY GOD? Why is Pop like this? Why is he going through this? There’s always something God is doing in our lives, and its good if we LOVE Him. So grateful we can cling to that. We have HOPE in Christ because of what He did on the cross, and conquered death for us.
